Gifts

Went to the mailbox yesterday and practically tackled the postie in my excitement to see whether my card from my Aussie friend arrived. IT DID!
TAR and I started exchanging cards in 2006. I sent her and email after she posted a condolence on the funeral home website. We emailed back and forth quite regularly, we had almost 20 yrs to catch up on (we didn’t have classes in high school together as she was in arts and we were business oriented). We have been sending each other cards ever since.
What makes the cards so special is that she draws a picture of me and my twin in the card. Her way of honouring her memory. I remember the first one had us at a coffee shop drinking hot chocolate with an Oprah magazine on the table and a little mouse in the corner. My twin collected ornaments and knick knacks with mice. My Dad couldn’t get over the detail in it. One had us peaking out from either side of a snowman. Probably the most special one was the Christmas after my niece was born and I remarked how my twin would never get to hold her. So of course she draws us holding the baby. She is gifted to be able to draw but is gifted with an insight into what to draw. I think my twin must whisper in her ear.
This year I have been able to take a writing course with a wonderful, encouraging teacher. I don’t believe it was coincidence that I found out around the time of our bday that it would be restarting. My angel has been working hard for me this year.
Thank you for the gift my friend. When I wear it I will think of the 2 people who inspire me.

Christmas continued

Watched Days of our Lives Christmas episode where they hang the ornaments on the tree. There is something comforting about the tradition of it all. I know that it isn’t real but it feels like a real family. I guess it’s the sentimental aspect of it. The fact that they still acknowledge the members of the family that are no longer there but they are still a part of their family. The fact that they acknowledge that the year wasn’t all sunshine and roses but the thing that is constant is family and friends, love and faith and isn’t that what we all want?

I am blessed to have a mother who loves me. Wonderful friends who support me when times are tough, who laugh with me in the good times, who honour my twin, who support me in my writing.

I am also blessed to have beautiful memories with my twin and my Dad. Not all good but the good definetely outweighs the bad.
Love never ends.

Christmas

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”
Except it isn’t for someone who has lost 2 family members. Christmas is the hardest time of the year. Birthdays are hard too but no one is going to come up to me and ask if I had a good birthday. I just smile and say “yes, it was nice” because who really wants to hear the truth? It’s so painful, the physical ache of missing them. Of being surrounded by memories everywhere. I go into the grocery store and see a jar of peanuts and think how Dad had to have one every year and would have it eaten in 2 days. Or how driving home from the grocery store I see a beautifully decorated house and think how I can’t share that with Janet anymore. I know that they are both with me but as the song says “and I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like”.
Someone told me that I should make new memories. It isn’t as easy as that. There is comfort in the things that we did together, the feeling that they are doing it with me and Mom. That they are smiling down from heaven and glad.
Christmas will soon be over…the boxes put away, the turkey eaten and a new year will start. And that’s ok.