Christmas

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”
Except it isn’t for someone who has lost 2 family members. Christmas is the hardest time of the year. Birthdays are hard too but no one is going to come up to me and ask if I had a good birthday. I just smile and say “yes, it was nice” because who really wants to hear the truth? It’s so painful, the physical ache of missing them. Of being surrounded by memories everywhere. I go into the grocery store and see a jar of peanuts and think how Dad had to have one every year and would have it eaten in 2 days. Or how driving home from the grocery store I see a beautifully decorated house and think how I can’t share that with Janet anymore. I know that they are both with me but as the song says “and I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like”.
Someone told me that I should make new memories. It isn’t as easy as that. There is comfort in the things that we did together, the feeling that they are doing it with me and Mom. That they are smiling down from heaven and glad.
Christmas will soon be over…the boxes put away, the turkey eaten and a new year will start. And that’s ok.

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