Use It or Lose It
After my twin died my Mom and I went to a bereavement group to help us cope with the loss. One piece of advice that we got was that we could only take things one day at a time. For a while I was ok with this but started to get impatient “how long is one day at a time?” But I came to realize that the more I fought it the harder it became so it was easier to just think of it as one day at a time. The facilitator actually said that there will be days when it’s even less than that–one hour at a time. It’s true. There were things that I did that were really hard or places or people I really didn’t want to see but if I thought of it as one hour at a time I could do it.
I did what most people do and kept busy. Friends would call up and invite me out for coffee or over for dinner. When my Dad had cancer it was a 24/7 job so anything else fell by the wayside. Unfortunately that meant that friends that didn’t understand that eventually fell by the wayside too. It’s interesting how people came to the funeral to support us but never realized we needed the support before that.
I found out my Mom will be coming home soon. Yesterday was 2 weeks since she has been in hospital. I could only take it one day at a time because i didn’t know when she would be coming home because the Drs didn’t know either. I would think ok today I will do laundry, today I will clean the kitchen etc. They are everyday chores that most of us do anyway but the task is so much greater when i also have to go to hospital or make phone calls as well.
I thought we’d never come back from that one…but I DID IT.