It’s My Party
Last year I turned 40 and I tried planning a party but June is a hard month to have a birthday in. It’s the end of the school year and the start of family picnics and such. Some people had to work so I decided to just have a spa day with a good friend of mine. Afterwards I thought it was probably for the best. I think it was more I thought I needed to have a party because turning 40 was a big deal but my heart wasn’t really in it.
Birthdays will never be the same because the person that I shared it with all my life isn’t here. Plus this year Father’s Day is on the same day…a double whammy. Usually I go and put flowers on the grave for both of them but Mom doesn’t drive. I may do a balloon release. I remember the first birthday after Janet died. Mom and I went to the cemetary and I stood there thinking how unfair it was, that this wasn’t what I wanted to be doing on our birthday. We were supposed to grow old together.
I put a poem in the paper last year in honour of our birthday. I still get a birthday phone call from a woman from my former church. I was out at the time so she said “I know this day is hard but I hope you are having the best day possible”. If someone writes “Happy Birthday to Janet and Jennifer” on facebook that means a lot to me. It will always be OUR day.
People will tell twinless twins “you should celebrate” not realizing it’s not a celebration anymore. It’s the day WE were born. And if a twinless twin chooses not to celebrate that’s ok too.
I was told by a wise twin friend that it’s ok to cry on our birthday.