It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To

It’s My Party
Last year I turned 40 and I tried planning a party but June is a hard month to have a birthday in. It’s the end of the school year and the start of family picnics and such. Some people had to work so I decided to just have a spa day with a good friend of mine. Afterwards I thought it was probably for the best. I think it was more I thought I needed to have a party because turning 40 was a big deal but my heart wasn’t really in it.

Birthdays will never be the same because the person that I shared it with all my life isn’t here. Plus this year Father’s Day is on the same day…a double whammy. Usually I go and put flowers on the grave for both of them but Mom doesn’t drive. I may do a balloon release. I remember the first birthday after Janet died. Mom and I went to the cemetary and I stood there thinking how unfair it was, that this wasn’t what I wanted to be doing on our birthday. We were supposed to grow old together.

I put a poem in the paper last year in honour of our birthday. I still get a birthday phone call from a woman from my former church. I was out at the time so she said “I know this day is hard but I hope you are having the best day possible”. If someone writes “Happy Birthday to Janet and Jennifer” on facebook that means a lot to me. It will always be OUR day.

People will tell twinless twins “you should celebrate” not realizing it’s not a celebration anymore. It’s the day WE were born. And if a twinless twin chooses not to celebrate that’s ok too.
I was told by a wise twin friend that it’s ok to cry on our birthday.

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One thought on “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To

  1. Your posts remind me of my younger days when I coincidentally met somebody who had the same birthday as me – same year, month and day – only two hours difference. Thereafter we crossed paths again and again in life and that too in strange circumstances. Recently I accidentally saw that person after many years and somehow I felt like crying.

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