A former minister of mine preached on simplifying our life. He started off talking about cleaning out his closet. How we have to know what to keep and what to give away. He ended by saying that it is our choice what to keep and what to give away nobody can make that for us. How true. He also talking about our purpose and stuff. I remember thinking “What if my closet is so full it would all tumble out if I opened it?” I was dealing with a lot of stuff in my family with my Dad’s cancer, my brother, grieving for Janet and trying to figure out who I was. There was a lot of stuff that I had to put off to the side. I couldn’t properly grieve for Janet because I had to be strong for my Dad and my family.
When I first thought of doing this blog I did have a moment where I had to think if I was going the right thing. Since how Janet died and some of my life is public I didn’t know whether I wanted to put my feelings out there. What if someone judged me? My past dealings with people who didn’t want to understand what twinloss is like influenced my decision too. I decided that MY need to do this was greater than the what ifs that were swirling around in my head.
It takes a compassionate, caring person to accept that I do come with baggage. I was telling a friend last night that when Janet died I tried to be the same person but it wasn’t possible. I learned that I just had to be my true self and if people didn’t like it that was too bad.
You can come along for the ride but you’d better leave room for my baggage.