Smell You Later
I went to visit Mom this morning. While I was there I was able to talk to physio therapist, Dr and I would have been able to talk to CCAC case worker but I would have had to wait another hour. This is all in preparation for her to be discharged. BUT she may be going to Parkwood for rehabilitation. Finally I’m being asked how much support I need.
It’s hard making decisions on my own. It’s hard knowing that the right thing for Mom will mean I will be going to back and forth to hospital (well across the road from where she currently is) for a little while longer. I will have to make my own meals and be alone again or is it still? I need to work on clearing out some more stuff while I’m on my own.
I wrote out a list of things that I should take care of. Down the road we should think about moving into an apartment which would be easier for both of us. When I first starting getting rid of stuff I kept thinking of all the memories I have in this house. I’ve lived here all my life. It’s different now. Now it just seems so empty. Right now I can’t bring myself to sit at the table because it’s only 1 plate so I eat on a tv tray.
And then there is the guilt of being able to go to church or writing class party on Tues because Mom isn’t at home. Being glad I get to do something for me. I have looked after other people for so long that it’s hard giving myself permission not to feel guilty, to have fun.
Sorry this might be a little bit all over the place. My mind is a bit jumbled.
Smell You Later