I remember when I was young I wanted to learn how to drive and I couldn’t wait to be able to vote. I wanted to have all the privileges that adults had. I think it was also because we were so much younger than my cousins. My Dad was 41 when we were born and a few of his siblings were married when they were 18, 22 and 25 (and had children right away). Most of my relatives were married when we were still in our early teens. We weren’t allowed to attend the “adult only” dinners. There was a mystery in being older.
When Janet died I was the one who had to care for our parents. I had a lot more responsibilities than I wanted. I had to learn how to do things that my parents used to do for me.
But there are good things about being an adult. I now have the freedom to say no. I have the money to be able to travel, treat myself to a spa day for my birthday. As an adult I chose to attend a different church than my mother. I can make my own choices and I’m the one who has to live with the consequences of my decisions.
I was not one of those people who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. As my Mom says “I have street smarts”. Obviously this is not a life anyone would dream for themselves.
Through my loss I have reconnected with a friend from public school. We probably would have reconnected through facebook. I treasure our friendship. I have learned from every person along this journey. Some people are no longer part of my journey but that happens with anyone. People change and grow.
I like to think I will always be childlike. Janet used to say I was a big goof. Mom calls me an imp. THAT’S ME.