The Heat is On
If you read my post Dear Mom…This is Hard you will know that I have been dealing with stress in my life for a long time. I was talking to my cousin this morning and I told her about posting the picture of us when we were 19 and I said “ahh to be young and have no worries”. Life was easy then, or at least I thought it was.
Do I do well under pressure? I’ve learned to. I have strong organizational skills from my Dad (well Mom too) so I write out lists of what I have to do. When Janet died I had many friends help me but not to the same extent now. I’ve learned how to take care of myself.
I have written in journals since Janet died and have gone through 5 or 6. This morning I sat in the cafeteria with a coffee and tea biscuit and journalled. I’m scared, worried but I also know I’m the only one here to take care of Mom so I have to hold it together. Or at least in front of her. I cry at home. I phoned my cousin’s wife who has been a tremendous help. Someone who tells it like it is with me and that’s what I need. She made me laugh about some ridiculous thing. It’s sad that I didn’t really know her husband when he was alive because he was so much older than me but I feel like I am getting to know him through her memories. I have a wonderful college friend who has been a great support too. Neither live in the same city as me but just talking to them helps a lot.
I try to do the right things…sleep (not so much but I nap in the afternoon so I do ok), eat properly. I try to remember to stay hydrated but I don’t think coffee counts?
I know that I have many people praying for me and Mom and that is a great comfort too. I have to admit I haven’t prayed. Not because I don’t believe, I just don’t know what to pray for. But I believe God knows.
The Heat is On