Break the Silence
Wednesday we had a “visit” from woman from CCAC to do an assessment for my Mom. In the hospital when we had the family meeting I/we were told that she would get a lot more care. According to this woman she doesn’t need any more and that was it and she left. As a caregiver I am not eligible to have someone sit with her for a few hours once in a while. We would have to pay for that. It seems kind of ridiculous to pay $25/hr (approximately) so I could go to a writing class once a week. I would have to wait until the woman arrived so would have to take a cab there as I wouldn’t have enough time to take the bus. And I wouldn’t have time to actually do the homework because I barely have time to write as it is.
I was ticked off but held it in and said “thank you very much”. After she left i called her every name in the book.
Yesterday I was about to cut the front lawn and saw my neighbour “working” on her lawn. For the life of me I don’t actually know what she does all day but I digress. Because she knows about Mom I decided to walk down and say hello. So of course in the conversation she asks what my brother is doing. She is still his mother and this is his responsibility too. Uh huh, so I told her I don’t have the energy to tell him what to do. how does he know what we need without telling him? It’s a difficult thing because I just don’t have the time to hold his hand and tell him what to do. But while she can have an opinion it’s still not her family.
I have told Mom I don’t want to live my life in limbo anymore. That I should be able to have a life. It’s hard though because it’s a big change for both of us. But I also feel that it’s the right change. To not have to be responsible for someone else. To be able to take care of ME. To be able to go to church again, join a group, travel. Be a normal young person.