When was the last time I felt helpless?
Every time my Mom goes into the hospital
When the time gets away from me and I am unable to write a blog post until well into the afternoon, if at all.
When I have to wait in limbo for Drs to tell us what is going to happen with Mom.
Here’s what I do. I research as much as I can. I go with Mom to Dr appointments so I can ask questions. Things aren’t as scary when I have all the information. For the most part Drs respect the fact that you come informed. Mom is to go on dialysis soon. The hard part is mom has never been the type of person who makes decisions and yet it’s her decision. I can only help her as far as she tells me what she wants.
I celebrate the small victories. Yesterday I got a haircut. I know it’s not that big of a deal for most people but when you look after someone who can’t do a lot for herself it’s monumental. I took a cab there so I could get there right when it opened. I went into Shoppers Drug Mart and walked to Tim Hortons to get an iced coffee and a muffin. Not exactly leisurely because I had to catch the bus home. 5 mins after I got in the door our grocery delivery guy phoned to say he had an opening in the morning and he was starting on my list. Shoot!! Furious cleaning ensued. The floor still isn’t washed but at least the counters were cleaned off. I have realized that I can only do the best I can.
I talk a lot as our recent phone bill can attest to. My Mom has unlimited long distance plan but it shows each phone call and how long I talked. 45 mins to my cousin (and that was a relatively short one), 25 to my brother a couple of times, at least half a dozen to my friend in Listowel. When I feel overwhelmed (and it was often when Mom was in hospital) I need someone to talk me through it. Each one of these people told me that I’m doing great. That I’m managing on my own. That its ok to cry.
“Tough times don’t last but tough people do.” Robert Schueller