Do I go left or right?

Que Sera Sera
Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny?My Mom calls me her “bonus package”. Janet and I are identical twins which means we were split from one egg. It’s just something that happens. A blessing.
The year Janet died there were 2 other young people around the same age as her that died all within months of each other. 3 sets of parents that had to bury their children. One had just gotten married, one was engaged and Janet was the oldest at 32. A woman that was around the same age as my Mom with children a couple years older than me said “God must have wanted them”. How do you answer that? I don’t believe that God just decides one day but I also know that people try desperately to explain it and they can’t. Myself included.
My Dad had colon cancer. He grew up on a farm, was active because he was a letter carrier, didn’t drink or smoke.
My mother was born with a defect and eventually had a kidney transplant. These were all things that they couldn’t control.
Life right now is controlled chaos. There is some semblance of a schedule but spending 3 hrs up at the hospital is not my idea of a fun morning. If I believed I could control my own destiny this certainly isn’t the life I would have chosen! I think there are things that I can do to make it easier. I write lists, I journal. A neighbour drove us to the hospital which was a big help.
I signed up for a writing class starting the 3rd week in September. There are days when I think I can’t believe that this blog started from something so tragic. But I also know that this is the first time in 9 yrs that I have found my voice, something that is just for me.

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4 thoughts on “Do I go left or right?

  1. Love what you are saying. And I’m terribly sorry for your loss and what life threw at you so far. It’s a tricky question, isn’t it. Fate is something really hard to grasp, to understand, to consider…

  2. Pingback: The Sunday Wrap: August 30, 2015 | The Seeker's Dungeon

  3. Pingback: The Sunday Wrap: September 6, 2015 | The Seeker's Dungeon

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