Must Not Fail
I think I’m afraid of failing myself.
Right now I know that I need to take care of myself but there are also things that I must do. Estate stuff being one of them. And trusting that I am doing the right thing for Mom.
Last night I got a call from someone from Mom’s church offering condolences. I wasn’t feeling well so didn’t answer the phone. It’s nice that all of these people want to retain that connection but I no longer attend the church but how to politely tell them that I don’t want to have a connection anymore. That it’s too painful to go to a church with so many memories for me. And the people that think I may change my mind…yeah I won’t.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many people have given me “advice”. I’ve lost 3 family members. It’s an enormous loss and it’s going to take me time to adjust to a new life on my own. Please allow me the space to figure it out. It’s also going to take me time to adjust to having a “family” again. To allow my brother into my life again–with boundaries.
I was talking to a woman from Mom’s church a week ago who asked someone how I was doing and they said “oh she’s doing so good”. She told me they don’t see you cry in private. I’m doing ok because I get dressed in the morning, I eat properly and get out of the house. But it takes work…ALOT of work.


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