Last night I phoned a friend of mine because I was feeling really sad. This is my first holiday without my Mom and it’s hard. When I was talking with him I mentioned that I made a reservation for a restaurant down the street for Sunday but it was like a knife to my heart when she asked for how many and I had to say one. So he told me we can set out another plate. I have known his wife and her sister since Grade 3. They have been to my house many many times and I have to their houses. Our parents know each other too. It’s nice knowing I won’t be alone.
Yesterday I got a phone call from funeral home. There was a little mix up with the cheque so I had to take over a cheque for the balance. I asked my neighbour to drive me and she was available. When I went in the owner (he is the son of former owner) came out and he said he had been thinking about me. He asked how I was so I told him this week is really tough. I told him I have lost my family and I’m alone. And then he gave me a hug. He knows our family because he did Janet’s funeral. He is around the same age as me so I’m sure there is that feeling like wow that woman has been through a lot.
My neighbour is well meaning when she asks how I am doing but to say “you must be so lonely” is not helping! Yeah, I’m lonely but I can’t change the situation.
Of course I had a long talk with my cousin’s wife this morning. She is the person I can vent to, that I can laugh or curse with. We both need to figure out how to put ourselves first.