If You Leave
Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?
About 12 or 13 years ago my sister and I left the church that we grew up in. We were invited to a church by a friend of ours that had a dynamic service with a wonderful message and a praise band. It was not an easy decision to make but we needed to find something that fitted our needs. And Mom supported us in our decision. Plus we felt like we were never taken seriously because we were seen as Mom’s kids. This way we were seen as individuals. Since then the church is on it’s 3rd minister. One left to go back to BC, one retired and now we have a new one. I like him but it was a tough time for me because it felt like everyone was leaving even though their choices had nothing to do with me.
I’ve left a few relationsips with friends since Janet died. One was a friend that I made through a bereavement suppport group. We were just going down different paths on our journey. A lot of people will let you down, run away from grief.
I guess the biggest thing I’m going to leave is the home that I grew up in. I’m ready though. Right now is the time when I have to rake up the leaves and clean up the yard before winter. I actually don’t mind raking leaves, it’s very soothing. It’s the bagging that’s a pain in the butt…because it’s really a 2 person job. I’ll no longer have to shovel snow or have to put ice melter on the steps. Take out the garbage in the rain.
The apartment I will be moving to is in the same neighbourhood. A wonderful community in the building.
Hopefully in time the memories of Dad’s illness and Mom’s will fade and I will leave with the memories of Christmas, thanksgiving, playing in the snow.
I know they will be with me in my new place. They’ll find me.
If You Leave