Anger

This has been a challenging year for me. I think anger comes from being frustrated with the situation. Mom was frustrated with her limitations. I was angry at a system that didn’t work for us. A system that would let someone get burnt out before they would offer help.
Right now I’m angry at people’s expectations. That 2 months after my Mom died I’m supposed to “carry on”. I’m angry that I’m alone. And yet I know that it’s unreasonable to be angry at a situation that I can’t change but there it is. Grief isn’t reasonable. I’m angry at myself for telling people what they want to hear because that isn’t me. But I just want things to be easier so I do it.
This journey isn’t easier just because I’ve done it two times before. Each relationship is different and Mom was there as my support.
I have to tell myself over and over that I’m doing the best I can. I’ve accomplished so much. That I don’t have to prove anything to anyone else. And yet somehow it still doesn’t help.
No one ever tells you this side of it. The fact that you won’t even know which end is up but still have to go on as if everything is fine.

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