I think my biggest flaw is my expectations of others. When Janet died I received a letter from a friend who said Janet was a better friend to others than they were to her. And it was true. We were brought up to treat others the way we would want to be treated. Unfortunately, I learned that the world doesn’t really work like that. We got taken advantage of. I am always the one who emails friends or phones them. I once went 6 months without talking to s friend because I never heard from her even when I tried to phone her. I’ve had to learn to lower expectations, that just because someone doesn’t phone or email doesn’t mean they don’t care.
The last time I went to conference 4 yrs ago there was a group session on friendships. She talked about how we as twins grow up with unconditional love and we expect that from our other relationships but it doesn’t happen. That we lose a lot of friends because of this. We grow up with our twin as our best friend.
Growing up Janet and I were not good at sharing, I think it stemmed from the fact that we rarely got separate gifts. We got one BIG one and had to share. When we went to church we had to get two bulletins because we don’t share. We would buy a magazine and be breathing down each other’s neck waiting for the other one to finish reading. Are you done yet?
Grief makes one doubt themselves. It also means sometimes I will lose my train of thought in the middle of a conversation. It also makes me testy.
But I also know some flaws are also strengths. I have become more wary because I’m less trusting. I’m learning to do what is best for me even if that means avoiding going to church or events for a while,
I’m scarred but those aren’t flaws, those are marks of loving deeply.