Right now it seems like everyday is taken up with some form of cleaning. Last week I put out 4 bags at the curb of junk from decluttering. I haven’t tackled the paperwork yet and I’m certainly not looking forward to it! I now know what my friend felt when she phoned us up to go for coffee because she had to get away from the boxes. She lived at the other end of the street and there used to be a Tim Hortons on the corner (convenient eh!). It makes it worth while when I find a treasure like our baby bracelets or letters.
Next week I have to go to the bank to deal with estate stuff. It’s hard for me because I feel like it’s still Mom’s money. I feel guilty for spending it and yet I know she would want me to be happy. It seems so unfair to have to deal with all of this paperwork when the loss is so recent. Yesterday I had a good cry because I got the tax slip for donations to the church. Because when this is all over I won’t see her name anymore.
On Wednesday I went to Chapters bookstore with a friend of mine. As we were browsing I can across Valentines Day gifts. This year Family Day is the day after. It’s a made up holiday that our former Premier put into place so that families can spend the day together. Oh goodie TWO holidays to remind me that I’m all alone. I also saw this really cool pillow that I almost bought (it was even on sale) but I thought no I’ll wait. But I sat there thinking how cool it would be if I was shopping for stuff with Janet. It doesn’t matter that it’s almost 10 years since she died in my mind we were always going to live together. I got an email from a high school friend who recently lost her Mom and she said she was shopping and kept coming across items that she thought her Mom would like for Mother’s Day. It’s hard because it’s like a slap in the face…they aren’t here.