Slow down or speed up?

Pace Oddity
Right now this is a difficult question for me. There are days when my life feels like a speeding train and all I want to do is get off. But at the same time there are days when I think I can’t wait for (fill in the blank) to be over. It doesn’t help that my speed is not the same as my brother’s speed. He wants everything done yesterday. He isn’t as emotionally involved as I am.
It’s Income Tax season and this is the part I have been dreading. It’s so analytical. Assets listed here, will taken in, how much did she earn before she died. It seems so cold but I know that taxes have to be paid and it’s just a fact of life.
The next big thing will be to sell the house. I want to slow down and savour the memories but at the same time I know the sooner I move the sooner the estate can be settled. I haven’t really had time to slow down for an entire year and it’s exhausting.
The funny thing is a friend of Mom’s from church (who is shut in) kids me by saying “what are you going to do with yourself when this is over?”. Because right now neither one of us can see that far ahead. I can do whatever I want. There is freedom in that but I can’t imagine it.


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