After Janet died I learned that there was a physical pain to grief. When Mom and I went to a bereavement support group they had deep breathing exercises because when we are grieving we tend to breathe shallowly. When Dad had cancer and was at home it was a 24hr a day job and there was no time to breathe and even bathroom breaks had to be scheduled. I got burnt out taking care of Mom. After she died I didn’t want to have to look after the stuff with the estate. I just wanted to stay in my house in my pjs and be left alone.
Now that I have moved I actually have time to read a book or go for a walk. I still have to go back to the house to check on it and clean and stuff. I could breathe easier if my brother wasn’t breathing down my neck wondering when we are going to sell the house. But as I wrote in my post “I will not snap” I’m trying to remain calm about the situation. He doesn’t realize that these things take time and we can’t rush it.
Tuesday is writing class. Unfortunately because there is still a lot of work to do in selling the house I can’t commit to going once a week. Plus I couldn’t do “an inner pilgrimage” right now. I should be journaling because my friend tells me not to bottle it all up.
I am so thankful that everything will soon be done. People tell me I can “move on with my life”. It’s true but it takes time to adjust to this new life. I was talking to a friend from public school last night on fb and she said it must have been hard to move and I said no it was harder living in the house alone. The house is so empty now. Physically it’s empty of furniture but when I go back I no longer feel them there. My apartment isn’t quite home yet either because it’s not finished. Once I have my stuff up in a bookcase where someone coming in can see this is who I am it will feel more like mine.