Right now my biggest obstacle would be the house. Since my Mom first went into the hospital in February last year I have been cleaning stuff out. After my Dad died in 2009 I have felt like this has been an obstacle to me having much of a life at all. I am still not finished cleaning it out but it’s only been 7 months since my Mom died. The obstacle is time. And of course my brother.
A big obstacle for me is the past. I was talking to a friend last night and I said I shouldn’t care what my brother thinks. I shouldn’t care that the house is a mess. My brother used to do the white glove test when he visited and it’s embarrassing and insulting. But my friend told me that is what makes you special because you do care. I feel like I haven’t even been able to grieve for Mom because I had to hold it together to be able to do all the legal stuff.
grief is an obstacle too. Not in the sense that there is a timeline and it’s done. In the sense that I don’t see things as black and white as my brother does. I told my friend that my inheritance gives me freedom. My parents provided for me so I now have a wonderful place to live. But at the same time I am trying to carry out Moms wishes. When she died I would not allow my brother to disrespect her memory.
I am a twin which makes me and Janet miracles. Mom called me her bonus package. My friend told me in an email after Dads funeral “Jenn, I hope you know what a gift you were to your daddy”.