Understanding doesn’t make it easier

Understanding
The past few days I have been feeling sad. I think because we are in the final stages of paperwork for selling the house. The house is so empty and it’s hard to go in now but there is still the knowledge that it’s still there. That I can still go in. And yet at that same time it’s easier not having to deal with well meaning neighbours. To have to tell them “I’m fine”.
I have a friend who I have talked about in this blog many times who understands all the emotions swirling around in my head even when I dont. She hasn’t experienced the same losses I have but she loves deeply like I do. She knows how much I miss my family.
June is a difficult month for me. A week today is Father’s Day and I already see all the commercials for BBQs and gifts for Dad. Then two days later it’s our birthday. I haven’t even thought about what I want to do. Things have been so busy. I know that whatever I do it will be fine. I’m not going to should on myself just because things aren’t as settled as I would like. “It’s on back order” has been the story of my life when it comes to buying furniture. Hoping my quilt will be finished by my birthday but if it’s a couple days late nothing I can do about it. I have learned that I just have to go with the flow.

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