After someone we love dies we don’t see colour for a long time. I remember being on chat for the twinless group and telling them that I painted my room bright yellow. I told them “I live in a world of grey I don’t want my room to be too”. One guy thought that was so sad but it’s true. I lost two very important people in my life. When Janet died joy went out of my life for a long time.
When my Mom died I came home and sat in a dark room. It hurt to look at the sun. I was so numb I didn’t even know what to do. I had never felt more alone in my entire life.
A friend of Moms from church would use the term there is light at the end of the tunnel. When I moved I felt excitement. It was fun picking out furniture, seeing how excited other people were for me. But at the same time it’s only ten months since Mom died. On Sunday it will be seven years since my Dad died. I asked a friend if she could take me to the cemetery. I just feel the need to go.
Even going to conference no one can really give me answers because I don’t know of anyone there who has lost their entire family. But they will listen and that’s important. I need that love and support from fellow twins.