I am a what you see is what you get kind of person so I try not to have people in my life that I have to sort through the “stuff” in order to find out who they are. Frankly I don’t understand why people have the two sides to themselves. The one that they show the world and the one that they are in private. That just seems exhausting to me.
When I went to bereavement group I made friends with a young woman around my age. She was a great support…or so I thought. Eventually her needs overshadowed mine. Whenever we talked it was always about her. When my Dad was dying I got rid of every toxic person in my life. I barely had time to go out so I certainly wasn’t going to waste my time on people that drained my energy. I had a woman who did her dishes while talking to me. I put up with it until she started arriving late for coffee dates. It meant her time was more important than mine.
I used to believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Now I would rather have a few close friends than one hundred fair weather. I know that it’s not easy to be around someone who has had as much loss as I have. It scares people off. The fact that I am a strong, independent woman scares people off too. I don’t hide the fact that this has not been an easy road for me. There are layers to grief. It doesn’t take a straight line.