Slowly learning

My parents were private people. There are some parts of going to conference that are hard for me. Sharing the story of how she died even though the story is very public. I wish when we went to conference people would ask who she was instead of how she died. We are all there because our twins died does it really matter how? I learned that I now have labels. I’m Twinless and I’m an orphan.
I had a woman at conference tell me I need a man. I’m slowly learning that some people cant comprehend being ok on your own. An independent woman scares people off. It opened my eyes to how much I have accomplished. It has been five years since the last time I went to conference and I’m not the same person.
I’m not as trusting anymore. People turn out to be different in person than they are online. Being asked if I’m ok at conference just because I’m quiet makes me uncomfortable. But I realize it’s because for so long I’ve had to paste the smile on and fake it or I just avoided people all together. Will this person be scared off? Will this person say something stupid?
I’m slowly learning that I shouldnt feel guilty for having a beautiful apartment and nice things. That this is my life now.
I’ve also learned that writing is something that I do for myself. Many people at conference don’t even know what a blog is. But the fact that one twin told me I have a purpose and to keep writing makes it worthwhile.


3 thoughts on “Slowly learning

  1. I happen to read your posts from time to time, to put it short, you have a unique style and the word the comes to my mind is, bittersweet. I can’t help but smile when I read the calm strength you have managed to build.

  2. Lovely post. It’s quite unfortunate that some people are intimidated by independent women. For me it’s an accomplishment from a great journey so far, the right person with the right state of mind regarding independence will show up.

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