When I went to the twins conference I willed the cab driver to go faster because I couldn’t wait to get there. I chose to go early so that I coukd relax in the afternoon or just hang out with whoever was there early. As soon as I got to the front desk someone asked if I was a twin. Thursday night I had dinner with a group of people. One woman I hadnt seen since the first conference I went to in Toronto. She sent me a book of short stories after my Dad died. Messages of hope. She phoned to make sure I was ok. I have another twin who sent me many letters after I met her. She’s special because she has never given the platitudes. She says this journey is hard because we miss our twins. She told me once that there are times it’s harder as years go by because there are more things that they miss. My brothers wedding, the birth of our nieces.
Friday started at 7 when I went down to join my fellow twins for breakfast. This is the first year that we got a full breakfast as we usually just get continental. It’s so nice to be able to mingle at breakfast and eat at a table instead of standing up. What my Mom would call “civilized”.
At 8AM We had inspirations for the day. Luckily I came prepared with a package of Kleenex in my purse!! She started with the song YOU RAISE ME UP sung by Selah. The song has special meaning as it is one of Janet’s favourite songs sung by Josh Groban. Then she did a reading called stained glass. About putting our broken pieces back together again and how the end result is different but still beautiful. Ended with the song A LITTLE FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD by Alan Pederson. How it will get better. After Saturday’s message we went around the room giving hugs. There is nothing like a big twin hug!! How I miss hugs!
We always have a guest speaker. She talked about how after our loved one dies all we see is darkness. That all of these people in the room form a chandelier of light. I loved that analogy. She even had a magic wand with her and how she wanted it to work so bad. I remember that feeling. I could really connect to her message it was almost like she spoke to me directly.
Friday afternoon we all changed into our shirts for the Memory walk and balloon release. I chose not to do the walk this time because it was very hot. I did it six years ago and I felt such a connection to Janet as we went for walks in our neighbourhood.
We all stood on the hill and released our balloon to the song “let your heart beat again”. A common theme that kept coming up for me was brokenness. A line in the song says “like a thousand pieces on the floor”. There is something very powerful about watching a hundred balloons float away with messages to our twin or loved one as there were many support people.
Here I am Janets twin, surrounded by people on the same journey.
A fellow Twinless twin came back to stay with me for a couple days. We both felt that it was full circle as we met in Detroit in 2010. We went out for dinner at the inn that I have raved about. Just after the waitress had taken our order JB exclaims that she can see a butterfly on one of the flowers. I once saw two butterflies at Janets grave. When we left I got pictures of her sitting on the bench. But just when we went outside the front door she spots a robin. We were sure that it was going to fly away but she took a picture and then I took one and it was sitting there as if to say I’m waiting for you. Robins mean HOME. The butterfly and the robin are signs.
The great thing about friends who come along on the journey is that they share in the sorrows and the joys.