This has been a year of Anticipation. Finding a place to live, waiting for furniture to arrive (and waiting and waiting), selling the house, Twinless Twins conference, Celebration of Life for Janet, and finally spending Christmas with a friend I haven’t seen for 9 years.
I have included a picture of my couch because waiting for furniture to arrive this year was probably the biggest thing. I had purchased a sectional but it was too big to fit in my apartment…they couldn’t get it through the door. But there was a silver lining because I found this one on sale. My sister’s favourite colour is red so that is why I chose it. So that she is included in my place. In the process of moving I thought it would be harder emotionally but I think going through the process of getting rid of stuff made it easier. There wasn’t any emotional attachment to it anymore because it was my parents house. It was weird thinking of it as MY possession when Mom died.
There was excitement in moving because this was MINE.
I’ve learned to anticipate the emotions that come with September. The firsts are always hard. The year flew by in dealing with all of the stuff to do with an estate mostly on my own. Holding an event for the anniversary of my twin’s death meant I was surrounded by friends who cared about me.
I have a few friends that have posted on Facebook that Christmas is a time of sadness too. We have loved ones that are no longer around the table or maybe we have had a falling out with someone etc. Yesterday I learned that a lady from the church that I grew up in had a nasty fall and has ended up in hospital. She’s 95. She has been such a help since Mom died. She wonders how because she’s not physically doing anything but it’s comforting having someone listen. She always told me how proud she was of everything I accomplished. She usually asks if I’m eating all right too. I know that someday she won’t be here to talk to but I’m not ready for that day to come yet.
Today it is a week until Christmas Eve. I feel like the time is flying by. This week I get to spend it with my best friends. I wish I could post a picture of the big smiles on my friends faces when they open their gifts. My one friend draws a picture in my card and that’s the thing I look forward to more than nay gift because it is the gift. She is giving me the gift of including Janet in the memory every year.