This is actually the theme for the photo challenge for this week but I decided to use it for my blog post today. The picture I would use would be of myself.
When I think of the past ten years there are times when I wonder how I got through it. When my twin died I didn’t know who I was without her. Growing up a twin I never realized how much my identity was tied to her. We went everywhere together, talked about things, went shopping together. She was just always there and then she wasn’t. The hard part was everyone else had a partner and I had lost mine.
My Dad found out he had cancer 16 months after Janet died. When the tumour grew back all I could think was I can’t lose another family member. There were days when I was looking after him where all I wanted to do was run away. I didn’t know what to do but I would ask questions. I railed at God why was this happening again. And yet against all odds I found a silver lining. My Dad and I became closer. My Dad appreciated me. My Dad was never demonstrative but when he was dying I didn’t care and I would give him a hug or a kiss on the forehead.
It was different when my Mom became sick because I could see it for myself. We would go grocery shopping and she had little energy. People couldn’t believe I looked after her completely on my own. I look back now and think I could’ve done some things differently but I did the best I could.
Moving would also be included in this. My friend wrote it took courage to do it and I never thought of it that way because I thought of it as something I HAD to do in order to sell the house. I also knew it was time. This would give me freedom from yardwork and maintenance of a house. The process was hard. I had an idea that I would live in the building in our neighbourhood but when I went to look at the unit I didn’t like the layout at all. I wanted everything over with. One night I typed in a location in google and found this apartment. What are the odds that it had EVERYTHING on my list…laundry in unit, walk in shower and controlled heat and a/c.
I know that Mom worked her magic because I also have wonderful superintendents who take care of me. Mom knew I needed a little taking care of.
I have people that have stepped up to the plate for me since Mom died. My former neighbour still helps me with errands. My friend CB is a great listener. My friends who have taken me in for holidays. Who tell me we are your family. Of course S and J for advice, help and many laughs. And a little chocolate never hurt either. Love you both!