A team

Collaboration
Being born a twin meant we were a team from day one. My Mom would tell us stories if taking us to the grocery store and one would go one way and one would go the other.
Janet and I were a team when we were cooking. I was the sous chef and she would mix. I have mentioned many times that I was the one that cleaned up. When we made lasagna Mom would mix up the cottage cheese filling and grate the cheese, I would make the sauce and assemble. Janet would make the salad.
We would help Dad in the yard. One of us would pick up the sticks and the other would take the leaves. I didn’t mind raking leaves but carrying them to the compost by myself was hard because it’s really a 2 person job.
When Dad had cancer Mom and I were a team looking after him.
Mothers Day hit me harder this year. I know that I was blessed to have the mother that I did. It doesn’t mean I miss her any less.
Some days it’s hard doing the things I did with them by myself. And other days I’m proud of doing things on my own.

Hospitality

Hospitality
Now that I am on my own I am invited to friends houses for holidays. I always bring something to contribute because my Mom taught me not to go someplace empty handed. I like my friend’s house because it’s lived in. The last time I went there weren’t any magazines or books on the coffee table and it just didn’t look right. The first thing my brother from another mother asks if I would like something to drink.
Since I moved I have had my coffee buddy over a few times. Last time I provided the coffee and she brought timbits. I have to buy a little carton of milk for her coffee. Next time we have coffee we will be able to sit outside. The great thing about this friend is that she takes me as I am. I will clean before she comes but if she picked me up at the house and I didn’t have time to clean the kitchen I wouldn’t worry about it.
A long time ago I attended a bible study in someone’s home. They provided the drinks and we all would provide snack. We would take turns. Janet and I brought cookies. Even last year the girls were still talking about the cookies. The host said this was our gift…hospitality. I always thought it was hosting but it involves more than that. For us cooking was showing our love for someone else. Every time my brother came home from university we would have lasagna. Even when it was 30 degrees outside at Thanksgiving one year we still had stuffing because it was his favourite. He would be sent home with most of the leftovers.
Janet and I would go over to my grandparents on Saturday. We would have something to drink and a cookie. One week there weren’t any cookies (oatmeal) and grandma apologized. For us it didn’t matter. When my grandfather died my cousin wanted the candy dish in the shape of a rooster. It probably wasn’t worth that much but for him that was his memory.
When we went to my Dads eldest sisters house for lunch we would often have pizza. She told my parents that she got to the age where she realized that she didn’t want to be slaving in the kitchen. This way she could sit and relax and visit. Many of my childhood memories revolve around Mothers pizza.

LOVE

Final
Facebook is awash with pictures of Moms for Mothers Day tomorrow. Some of my friends have three generations in the photo. There is comfort in many friends that are missing their Mom too.
This morning I walked to the market, my Saturday morning ritual. It’s May so there isn’t that much available but it’s a nice walk and I like to see what products they have. One vendor had tulips…red and yellow so of course I picked up a bunch. There was a woman beside me who was debating what colours to get and I told her my Dad had a big garden so living in an apartment this is my way of getting flowers. I passed a table with butter tarts. Mom and I both love butter tarts but I walked past. If we went to festivals in the city my Dad would always give me money for caramel corn and we would share.
I picked up a day tripper newspaper at the market. It was something Mom liked to look through. They have funny stories, gift shops in small towns. My grandfather used to get his caning supplies in St.Marys so he would take us for an outing. It’s about a 45 minute drive.
This morning the toilet in my ensuite was running. Despite the fact that I have mentioned here how I am not handy I do know that it has to do with the flapper. So I tried to adjust it. This was something that both my parents taught me to do. Ends up it was bent so my super replaced it.
There are so many reminders. Death isn’t “final” although it feels that way. Love lives on in our hearts.

Pink

Maze
Ok, technically this was yesterday’s word prompt but I was thinking it over last night.
We associate the colour with babies. Pink means girl, blue is boy. Our baby bracelets are pink, my brother’s is blue. When we were babies one of us was in pink outfits and one was in blue because they didn’t know they were having twins so they just used what was given to them. If you look through our childhood photos there aren’t any photos of us in frilly pink dresses. We had matching pink tops with pants for our second birthday. We had chocolate cake too so I’m pretty sure by the end of the day we weren’t “pretty in pink”.
About a month before my niece was born I went to a Mom sale at the local public school. My friend teased me “are all the outfits pink?” They weren’t. One was yellow, one was a pink top with a denim jumper and the other was striped shirt and matching pants. I tried not to buy into the stereotype of pink clothes.
My friend was telling me the story of buying a gift. They were gift wrapping it and wondered if she wanted pink paper or black as she didn’t tell them if it was for a boy or a girl. So she told them it didn’t matter. In the course of conversation found out it was a boy. Oh black. No pink is fine.
I remember trying to find gift bags in the dollar store that were gender neutral for a baby shower. I think they had one. Some people want to be surprised, some people want to be prepared with things that are specific to the sex of the baby.
There is a photo of my brother when he was about 5 learning to skip. He played with our dolls. Because he had sisters.
In our household he wasn’t the one who cut the grass the girls did. At the same time I can’t hang a picture straight, drill a hole or anything that requires me to be handy.

What would Mom tell me?

Pink
As Mothers Day is coming up I’ve been thinking about my Mom a lot. Right now I wish she was here to give me advice. Although my Mom was the type of person that would listen while I talked but knew for the most part that I would and should figure it out on my own. I miss being able to talk to her.
When we went to bereavement group we were told to be selfish. At first I was shocked because it just wasn’t in my nature but we had to look after our own needs first. Learning how to say NO.
I became friends with a woman around my age in the group but after a while we grew apart. My Mom knew we would but allowed me to learn it on my own. I believe that people come into our lives when we need them. Last night I thought about a friend that I go for coffee with. The reason that we can go for coffee once a month is because neither of us have kids. We don’t have the same responsibilities that other people do.
Right now I am distancing myself from drama in my life or more accurately not allowing it in. This is something I learned at bereavement group too is that I need to replenish myself before I can give to someone else. Stress really took a toll on me last year.
My friend often says that he can hear his Mom in his ear. That’s the thing about parents who teach us values is that we carry them with us always.

Exposing me through writing

Exposed
When I thought of the word exposed I think that is what I am really doing with this blog. The more comfortable I became in my writing the more comfortable I became in exposing the scars. I didn’t share my posts with friends for a while because this was something I did for me.
This blog exposes the love I have for my family. It’s a place to share the memories. The love I have for my friends. The kindness that has been shown to me. It has exposed heartache, trials and triumphs.
It has exposed a gift that has been given to me. My teacher was the one who told me that I had a gift for writing. A friend told me I write from the heart.

Lifestyle

Lifestyle
What does this word mean to me?
Growing up I understood that we lived a lifestyle that we could afford. Or I guess I should say my parents did. We got an allowance and saved up to buy what we wanted. My Dad drove a Ford Taurus. A little tight for 5 people but it was rare that 5 of us were in the car at the same time. In later years they could’ve driven something else but this suited their needs. My Dad always said a car gets you from point A to point B whether it’s a Ford or a BMW.
I grew up in a family that didn’t have debt. My grandparents need didn’t even use a credit card. When I was in college I got my first one and was told by the financial advisor to use it once a month whether I needed to or not to build up a credit score.
Although my Dad would be considered middle class he has 2 siblings that were moneyed. But they lived very different lifestyles. One flaunted it and one didn’t. One drove a jaguar and one drove a Honda Civic. We would go to visit my Uncle and my Mom would say “that’s how the other world lives”. Because it was a lifestyle that we couldn’t imagine.
When I was looking for an apartment the first place I applied to was one in my neighbourhood. I knew people that lived there and it was a nice building. But when I went to view it I didn’t like the layout. The bathroom was smaller than my one at home. The kitchen was so tiny and no dining area. I realized that many of the apartments that I looked at you were paying for the lifestyle. This building had a pool, community room and gym.
When I moved into this apartment I joked to my friends that my Dad would question why I needed 2 bathrooms. It’s nice to have one that is strictly for guests. I had people tell me I didn’t need a 2 bedroom apartment but as someone that lived in a 4 bedroom house I like lots of room. Living in an apartment is a different lifestyle. I had to get used to monthly fire alarm drills (we don’t have to leave the building it’s just testing). I can’t leave the building without my landlord seeing. I’m kind of used to this with nosey neighbours. I can only carry in 2 large grocery bags easily. When I bought patio furniture my friend carried in the table and I carried in the cushions. Sometimes it’s quite a production carrying in purchases. Even that is a lifestyle as I have all weather chairs, fancy cushions and a table for my drink. It’s creating a setting.
After Janet died I got a cellphone because I felt safer knowing if I was out for a walk I had one for emergencies. Last year I changed to a smart phone because “everyone else had one”. I have an IPad. I’m now one of those people that sits in the coffee shop with their IPad.
In a couple of weeks my friend and I are going to have a spa day. It’s a treat that we both need to schedule for ourselves more often!

None of the above

None
Many years ago the 4 of us were at my Dads sister and brother in laws for dinner. Of course we ended up talking about politics because there was an upcoming federal election. So my Uncle asked Janet if the election was held tomorrow who would she vote for. None of the above. He thought she was just being flippant so he asked her to explain her reasoning and she did. She just didn’t like any of the leaders of the parties.
Obviously none of the above is not an option for voting although there are often times it should be! The year my sister died there was a municipal election. Janet had already declared that she was going to vote for Ivan. He’s a “kook” to put it bluntly. He ran every year but never got more than a few hundred votes. My Mom was appalled so when she died I voted for him in her stead. It wasn’t like one vote was going to make a difference because the woman running was pretty well a shoo in to win. A twin friend of mine said it’s your vote so you can do whatever you want.
Our next election is next summer…provincial. This will be the first time I’m voting by myself. Plus I’ve always voted at the same place so now I have a new polling station.
I do admit that my opinions have changed since the last time I voted. Health care becomes a lot more important when you see where the holes are. There is no easy answer to fixing the problem either. Municipally they are STILL discussing rapid transit system.
I’ve always believed that it’s about having good people in the job. People that understand that they are there to represent you. Unfortunately it isn’t the case for everyone.

Control

Control
Things we can’t control…
1. Weather. Tomorrow is the only day this week were it is not going to rain. Mother Nature doesn’t seem to know it’s May.
2. Traffic. Inevitably when I am running late I get stopped by a train. Mom always said when she had plenty of time she would hit all the green lights.
3. Cost. This is kind of a 50/50 thing because we can control what we buy but not the price of necessities.
4. Time. Sometimes time just seems to move slowly waiting for something to happen. But then I couldn’t control how much time I had with my twin or my parents. But I cherished the time I had.
5. Other people. Sometimes it’s just best to walk away
6. Tears. This could be in both because sometimes they just come without warning.

Things I can control
1. The remote. I live alone so I can chose what I get to watch.
2. Money. Growing up in a family where the man was boss this is a big deal to be able to have a say in who looks after it and how I spend it.
3. Clutter. Im better at putting things back where they belong
4. The support system I have around me

When my twin died my world went spinning out of control. There is not much you can control with cancer. Grief is something I learned to live with but it’s certainly not something I could control. I remember feeling like I was treading water a lot of the time and yet I made it through.

Summertime

Apprentice
Friday afternoon I went with a friend to look for patio furniture. I had found some online. I wanted to be able to sit and try them out so my friend and I tried out a couple. I was looking at blue and red ones cushions but she picked up a red plaid one and said this is you. We fit the cushions, an outdoor rug and table in the car and I ordered the chairs online. Interesting that the pattern she picked was only available in the store and not online.
Chairs were delivered yesterday. My superintendent phoned just after lunch that I had a delivery. So when they knocked on the door I said I thought it was tomorrow as I talked to the guy and they were booked on Sunday. Oh well I’ll take them. So the saga continues. Today I get a phone call around the same time I look at call display and it says BOOM BOOM. I don’t even want to know what that is so I didn’t answer. Luckily they left a message. It’s my chairs they are on the truck. So I phoned him back and said they were already delivered. I guess you don’t want 4? It made me laugh…only me.
Mother Nature hasn’t made up her mind what to do lately as it was cold and rainy on the weekend and still raining today. It’s not warm enough yet to sit outside but soon.
I will able to sit outside with my morning coffee and journal. Sit outside in the evening and read a book. I can share a glass of iced tea with a friend. Of course I will also be able to enjoy my ribs too.
It’s all the little things that I haven’t been able to do for a long time. But I don’t think it’s just me. We all get busy. There are so many festivals in the summer that there is always something to do. My friend and I are going to have a spa day in May. My coffee buddy and I are going to do tea on the lawn at Eldon house.
Ahh summertime