Driving the bus

I had a Dr appointment this morning and was given a really good report. I am able to get my bloodwork results online so I knew what the numbers were. I have lost 7kgs since my last appointment the end of January. My goal was actually 2lbs less than that as it would have been an even number.
This Dr looked after Mom when she was in the hospital. She knows that I was her caregiver and she saw it in the paper when she died. She knows the toll that it took on my health. Being a caregiver is a 24/7 job. It’s physically and emotionally draining. I guess that is why she could see the change. I said that I’m taking better care of myself. Janet was my walking buddy so I had to find that motivation within myself. Many of my friends have told me “you seem happier”. After all the events last year were over I didn’t have anything planned. But I also think I needed that time to be able to rest, recuperate. I remember Mom saying one year that she didn’t even sit outside once during the summer. Now I do it as often as possible. Every time I do it I think that she would be glad. It’s also easier eating outside at a smaller table when it’s just one.
I’ve titled this post driving the bus because I’m the one doing it. After my Mom died I had to change my thinking about things. A list of things that I felt guilt over. I never liked the term “superwoman” but I slowly learned that I had to own the title. Many people consider having a grocery delivery service a luxury but I do it once a week. When I go myself I have impulse purchases so I’m actually saving money this way. It’s a personal touch. When I go to the grocery store some cashiers barely speak to me. Driving my own bus means tuning out the voices that tell me “you should do this”. I made a choice after Mom died that she probably wouldn’t agree with but I had to do what I felt was right for me at the time. It was something a friend and I were discussing the other day that as adults we don’t need our parents permission.
I write this post because after a really touch couple of years it’s wonderful to have someone appreciate the efforts. It’s possible to make a U-turn.

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