Yesterday my friend and I got talking about lots of things and in the course of conversation I was telling her about my brother’s modern kitchen complete with an island with waterfall tile (according to home shows that’s what it is called) and barn board on one wall. It’s not a look that I like, I think it’s too modern. I know that my parents wouldn’t have liked it and I know what they would say. So then my friend asked what would Janet think? And it sort of scared me to think I don’t know. Maybe she would like it. As twins we were so in sync but we were also different. She was more out spoken. When she died I got cards from people from public school telling about stuff I didn’t even know. I found a monologue she wrote for English class and I had no idea she could write like that. But it also spoke about things she kept private. As her twin I wondered why she didn’t tell me. But I also knew we were 2 separate people.
Last year it was 10 years since she died. I never would have thought that the pain would lessen. To say life moves on seems so trite but there has been so much change since she died. I’ve changed. I’m more independent and I’ve become out spoken. I remember thinking once that the person I was was gone for good but she was always there just buried. I wrote yesterday about the gift of friendship. It’s a blessing to have relationships with friends where it is comfortable. These were people that loved Janet too.
This blog is a place where I can share memories. I have realized that they kind of come in waves. Some little thing will spark it. I’ve come to accept that some memories fade and that’s ok too. Love doesn’t fade.