Ahh what an appropriate word for today as I went to bed fuming about something a friend sent me on facebook. Since I’ve moved my friend has made “helpful suggestions” on what she thinks I need in my apartment. I don’t have ceilings lights in bedrooms so I had to purchase a table lamp for office. She thinks I should have got a floor lamp.
Why am I “simmering” over something that seems like such a small thing? When my twin died decisions were made for me. Grief meant I had no control over anything. Caregiving meant I was on someone else’s schedule. I’m sure that the fact that most of my life people have underestimated me has something to do with it too. I told my Aunt that during the process of looking after the estate I had so many people tell me you can’t do that because you are a girl. She told me “you proved them wrong!”.
Moving into my own place meant I could make my own decisions…decorating being one. So while she thinks she is being helpful to me it feels like she’s judging me. When she comes I make sure the place is spotless. It should feel comfortable having a friend come for coffee and somehow this doesn’t.
Tomorrow I’m going out with a friend for our monthly coffee. We talk about everything. It’s natural…and that’s the way it should be. I have some friends that know me better than I know myself. They are my cheerleaders. The friends who will bring chocolate and a hug when I need it.