How can I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear?

Costume
Last week I went out for lunch with my cousin. It changed from coffee because the weather was bad. Going for coffee is easy because I just put on what I would wear around home. It was very cold that day and I couldn’t decided what to wear. Going to lunch at a nice restaurant means there is the fine balance of looking respectable but not too dressed up. I tend to go out for lunch in the summertime so I have plenty of clothes for that season. I usually go out for my birthday, last year I went for tea with a friend and I might do lunch and a manicure. Summer is easy a pair of white capris and a nice top.

I remember looking in the mirror after I was all dressed and accessorized for my brother’s wedding. I didn’t recognize the person that was staring back at me. There are pictures from birthdays or lunches and it’s me only “enhanced”. There have been a couple of weddings I’ve attended where it does feel like the bride is wearing a costume. I think they go with what is traditional or what people would approve of but it doesn’t really reflect her.
Clothes are the way we present ourselves to the world. When I go into a bank I prefer the men to wear a suit. The women should not have flip flops on and I don’t want to see cleavage.
Mom used to get dressed up to go to church because she said it was the only time when she wasn’t in pants and a t-shirt. In the past few years at her church and mine we both noticed that people dressed more casually. Women didn’t wear a skirt anymore. They were dressing for comfort. Growing up I wore panty hose even in the summer time because my grandmother and mother always did. I think grandma thought it was more ladylike. Plus Janet used to say “nobody wants to see my white pasty skin”. The last time I wore panty hose was for the wedding. Oh and don’t get me started on the spanx.
There have been a few times when I will put on a shirt and think Janet would have looked good in this. Recently I put on a shirt and had a cry because it would have been what she wore. It’s strange because we never used to wear the same things. Going through the closet after Janet died and then my Mom was the hardest job. They aren’t just pieces of clothing but they are items that they wore. They hold their scent.
Nowadays my costume is jeans and a t-shirt but I love having the opportunity to having a nice dinner and wear fancy clothes.

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