Our birthday

I was going to title this post “Why I’m celebrating by myself”. Yesterday I got an email from my former neighbour asking if I would like to go for lunch. Early this morning I got an email from my Uncle wondering if we could meet for coffee at the market. I remember one year asking a twin friend of mine how to deal with the fact that at the time I didn’t really want to celebrate. He said he does his own thing the day of and then does something after the actual day. He said that people want to celebrate with us so we should allow them to do it.
2 years ago we sold the house so I did a final walk through the day of our birthday. Last year I just wanted to spend a quiet day to myself after all the stress of the previous year. I did have parties after Janet died. It’s a hard day because any TT will tell you we don’t know how we are going to feel the day of. It’s still OUR birthday and it will always be our birthday. I remember the year I turned 40 I put a tribute into the newspaper. I got a phone call from a woman from church who used to be on the pastoral care committee and they phone for Birthdays. She said in the message I won’t wish you a happy birthday but just say I’m thinking of you. She got it…it’s not happy.
I booked an appointment to have a manicure in a hour and then I’m having lunch afterwards. For a long time I felt awkward eating alone but I thought this is the way it is and eventually I got to the point where it was ok. For my 40th birthday I had a manicure. There were 2 chairs in the room and it was comforting feeling like Janet was sitting beside me.
Happy Birthday in heaven my bud.

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