Table for one

This morning I decided to go and get a haircut (really little more than a trim) and I treated myself to breakfast afterwards at Cora’s. Since you have to wait to be seated the waitress asked how many in my party…just one. It’s one of those things that I’ve had to adjust to. Although I don’t think that’s even the right word. Every other table has at least 2 people or more.
Three weeks from today it will be our birthday and I’m feeling very alone. I think it’s compounded by the fact that it’s a bigger birthday this year and many memories from 10 years ago. There is a Mexican festival this weekend that has eating contests and that was like a punch in the stomach too. I so wish Janet was here and as much as it’s unfair that she isn’t, I can’t change it.
All my life I had someone to go places with. We would walk into each other’s room without knocking and ask “can I borrow that?”. One time I was putting clean sheets on my bed and she walked up behind me and spooked me so bad I almost hit my head on the wall. She laughed and laughed.
Janet and I were not good at sharing. I have a subscription to the Oprah magazine and I no longer have to wait my turn to read it. At the same time I miss Janet going “ooh and ahh” over something. I will still see a shirt online and think “oh that would look good on Janet”. It’s all the little things that I miss. Last week when I bought some tulips at the market they had lily of the valley which is my twin’s favourite scent. She would pick some and put it in a little glass and put it on her dresser. One year I bought a bottle of perfume at Kingsmills for her for Christmas. I currently have one and every time I wear it the scent reminds me of her.
In time the pain lessens but missing them doesn’t. She will always be my best friend.

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