I was thinking yesterday about how there are times in our lives where there are no words to describe certain situations. When I told a friend via email about what happened she used the word “disappointing”. While it is I told her I don’t think that is a strong enough word. There is a scene in the tv show Bones where Booth and Brennan are talking about a mother that has to bury her son at Christmas and she says “isn’t it heartbreaking”. He says “you always tell me that the heart is a muscle it can’t be broken it can only be crushed” She answers “isn’t it heart crushing”. So powerful. Yesterday I passed my supers in the hall and I told her what happened. After he went off she told me she totally got it. She is such a caring lady.
The word for today is written and it made me think of this. For me the written word is what I have used for many years to help process the things that I couldn’t.
I always knew that my Mom was very pregnant when they bought the house but I had no idea that she gave birth 4 days after this cheque was signed. She always joked that she got out of moving. My Dad moved in on his own and she had to rearrange some things in the kitchen because she couldn’t find anything.
When we came home from the hospital there are so many photos of relatives that came to visit. Our living room had cream coloured wallpaper with gold decals. Kind of like a club on a deck of cards. We even had drapes to match. Hey, it was the 70s. Our couch was a hand me down and it was so rough. If I look through the albums we always had a lazy-boy or more accurately described as “Dad’s chair”. If you were sitting in it and he was downstairs or outside as soon as he came in he would tell you to get out of his chair. Even friends knew that was his chair.
When we were young we spent many hours sitting on the living room floor playing Monopoly. Our brother ALWAYS won. Even when you think it’s mostly luck yeah it’s not. There is a picture of us sitting on the couch in our brownie uniform. You know when people do the first day of school photos…yeah we never had that. When I was going through photos I think we have 1 of our house from the front.
It was a great neighbourhood to grow up in. The street next to us had a lot of kids the same age as us. Most of the parents still live in the house our friends grew up in. We lived close to our public school and high school and I still friends with many public school classmates. I can remember going to their houses trick or treating. When Janet and I would go for walks we would usually pass people that we knew. And even if we didn’t they would still say hello.
My last birthday party in the house was when I turned 35. It was really special to see my friends around the table supporting me. I write all of these memories down and it makes me smile. The written word is a powerful thing sometimes.