That’s deep

Last night I was watching New Amsterdam. I ended up watching it on my Ipad since the new episode wasn’t loaded into On Demand yet. New Amsterdam is one of those shows that tugs at the heartstrings. Watching Max go through cancer treatment was like watching my Dad and there are similarities between some of the ways Max is dealing with his grief in losing his wife. At the start of the show Dr. Sharpe was mad at Max for refusing her offer of a cleaning service. This was me because when a person is grieving there is a fine line between helping and imposing. But at the same time the person who is grieving doesn’t even know HOW to ask for help. At the end of the episode the team knocks on Max’s door with cleaning supplies. As soon as Georgia told Max “it’s ok to let people in” I started crying. There is a vulnerability to letting people see you at your worst. You want to believe that you are capable of doing it on your own.
In my last post I talked about having random conversations about my twin Janet. My Dad’s family wasn’t comfortable talking about someone after they died so Mom and I had to find other places to do so. She lives on in me so why wouldn’t I talk about her? There is a holiday event downtown the end of November. It’s one of those things that I would have gone with Janet. Yesterday I bought a new shirt for a Christmas dinner. If Janet was still here she would have bought the red one and I would have bought the gold one. At the same time I can hear my Mom in my head “you spent HOW MUCH?” Love means that I can hear their voice or their laughter. I can feel their presence.

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