This is going to be a busy week for me. Groceries delivered Monday, prescriptions delivered today and Friday I have to get bloodwork for a May appointment. I titled this post helpers because on Monday when I got my groceries delivered I asked if they were still doing errands as well. The woman I got told me that they would do anything for me. I have been with the company for 5 years since I was looking after my Mom. While it started out as just getting groceries now I also have them do things that aren’t easy to do when I don’t drive. Some weeks I will be having a bad day and the owner will make me laugh or I will get a hug…when we could still give them.

Yesterday a friend dropped off a mask for me. She and her husband are “givers”. The type of people that would do anything for anyone.

On Friday a former neighbour is taking me to get bloodwork taken for a Dr appointment in May. While the clinic isn’t open the Dr still wants bloodwork. Due to covid 19 public transit isn’t an option. She and her husband helped when I was still living in the house and she has helped if I was sick. She dropped off a meal from rib fest when my sciatica was acting up.

My coffee buddy also emails regularly to check on me. I will send her funny videos to brighten her day. She is the person that I know I can talk to about anything.

It’s also the little things. A friend complimenting me on my selfie, friends who laugh with you. Look for the helpers.

Twin time

Yesterday was my zoom regional meeting. I clicked on the link and could see the leader and other people in the room but I couldn’t see myself. So she guided me through the process and there I was. The only problem is using an Ipad the angle isn’t quite right because I could only see from my shoulders up. It also showed up as ipad and I’m not sure where I was supposed to enter my name in. Oops
While we were waiting for people to join we talked about this year’s conference which would be the middle of July in Denver. There hasn’t been a definite decision but it looks like it will be cancelled this year. I went in 2016 because it was in Detroit but it had changed a lot in the 5 years since the last conference I had attended. I feel sorry for the many people that attend every year but I talked to a fellow twinless twin yesterday and she had decided on her own she wasn’t going.
We went around the room (screen?) and introduced ourselves and told how our twin died. Before we started I quickly ran to get my favourite picture of me and Janet which is on my dresser. When I finished the leader asked about who Janet was so I told about her boisterous laugh. Us going to the hardware store with Mom and laughing about the bag of cow manure called MOO POO. I had forgotten what it was like to share our story with other twins.
I have been to one regional meeting in Ontario. There was something so much more informal about just sitting in our office, bedrooms and chatting. There was a guy from the Yukon, a woman from Nanaimo BC and another woman from Nova Scotia. Since the leader is based in Ontario these people would otherwise never be able to attend a meeting. I teased the one woman that her coffee mug was HUGE and she held it up really close to the camera. I couldn’t even have my afternoon coffee because I only had enough to last until Monday. There is a chat area on the side so you can post a comment to something someone else said. We were talking about how far apart we were and I said Janet was born first but she used to joke I pushed her out. Someone asked if anyone was born premature but I didn’t get a chance to answer to that. We were born a month early. We weighed less than 4lbs but were healthy just small.
We talked about celebrating a birthday. I don’t call it celebrating I use the word honour. I do something to honour the day we were born because it will never be a celebration without my twin. There were people on yesterday who don’t celebrate at all and that’s ok too.
The biggest thing is that other people don’t get that losing a twin is unlike any other loss that you will ever have. She wasn’t just my sister she was my other half, my best friend. I always thought she would be there and then she wasn’t. She was the person who kept me company on walks. My coffee buddy. My fashion consultant. I recently wrote a post titled “resilient” but it took me years to get to that point. I know that Janet still guides me. That she is always near.

Just doing the best I can

A couple of days ago I had arranged with a friend that we would Facetime at 3pm yesterday. She phoned me first to guide me through the process but when I put her name in my contact list and pressed her name nothing came up. We couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong so we talked on the phone. I decided I would try to figure it out after supper. I went online and looked at tutorial videos and realized I didn’t have the audio/video button at the top. So after going to apple support I went into settings toggled off the Facetime re-entered my password and EUREKA it worked. My friend was proud that I figured it out on my own. Tomorrow the Regional Co-ordinator for the Twinless Twins for Canada is doing a ZOOM conference call/meeting at 1pm (what would be local time for me). I have never used the app before so fingers crossed I’m able to figure it out. Technology does overwhelm me sometimes.

This morning I sent my grocery list. A couple of weeks ago I learned that they are only shopping at one store now. They put my groceries just inside the door. Now they are phoning the night before to confirm your delivery date. Every week it seems like something is changing and I just have to go with the flow. I would love to be able to support the vendors from the Farmers Market but I’m not comfortable with deliveries just being left in between the main doors.

For me the most overwhelming thing is not knowing about Dr appointments. I know they are doing phone calls but I don’t know what that entails. Knowing I’m doing the best I can with regards to food since I can’t always get everything on my list. The weather hasn’t been great lately to go for a walk.

I have a lot of friends on Facebook who are working from home and making sure that their kids are finishing their school work. They are tired, stressed and many are overwhelmed. At the same time I see families doing house party or doing a science experiment on the kitchen counter and I’m envious. We all have different struggles right now. I’m really thankful for the friends who have reached out to check on me. My cousins too. We are all in this together.

Potpourri—the good and bad about social distancing

The Good
1. Watching Live with Kelly and Ryan and Jimmy Fallon. I rarely watched either of these programs before but there is something so natural about what they are doing right now. There is a segment where Jimmy’s daughter comes in to announce that she lost a tooth when he is interviewing Russell Wilson and Ciara. It’s so adorable because he stops everything to interact with her and Ciara asks her how she lost it. The rap with Justin Timberlake is great too. CHOIRCHOIRCHOIR made 60,000 in an afternoon in donations for the Canadian Cancer Society.
2. John Krasinski (not sure if I spelled that right). He has a “news channel” which he calls SGN or some good news. It’s funny and heartfelt and that’s what we need right now. I watched his lip sync battle online a long time ago and he is so funny.
3. People helping. Sewing masks, offering to pick up groceries for elderly neighbours. My grocery shoppers.
4. I’m saving money because I can’t go anywhere to spend it. I should also include debit machines in this
5. Technology that allows us to connect to one another. My friend and I are going to have a Facetime chat tomorrow. I’ve never used it
6. Soon it will be warm enough to sit outside
7. A safe place to call home

The bad
1. I NEED A HAIRCUT My bangs have grown out so I’m brushing them off to the side. I’m also wearing a hairband on days when it’s really unruly. Not being able to see my friends or go for coffee
2. 24hr news.
3. People making this political. There will be plenty of time for that after things have settled.
4. Not being able to go to the store. My grocery people are just using one store now so my choices are limited. I can’t just pop into Shoppers Drug Mart to stock up on things. I have one box of hair colour left and I’m going to have to save it.
5. Vandalism or more crime
6. People that don’t respect the rules of social distancing
7. Farmers losing crops and having to dump milk. Whether there will even be a Farmers Market this summer
8. 27 more days. While I know that we are probably going to be doing this well into June actually seeing it in black and white makes me so sad.
9. The possibility that I won’t be able to celebrate my birthday this year the way I would like to.
10. Summer festivals cancelled. I live downtown and that is the highlight of my summer. Although that is also in the good column because Rock the Park might be cancelled. Like the name suggests it is very loud


This morning I turned on CBC to watch the daily press briefing by our PM. The journalists were talking about how one of the health professionals said that it’s likely that we are going to be self-isolating until the summer. While I had a feeling that might be the case to actually hear it voiced out loud made me really sad.
While technically this picture isn’t cake it’s a picture of my birthday treat 5 years ago. I booked a room at a local inn to give myself a break after looking after my Mom. I can’t remember what I had for first course but I remember getting tears in my eyes when the waiter put a candle in my dessert. It made me feel so special. I know that there are many people right now that have to figure out new ways to do things. They are having virtual parties.

It’s hard not to think of all the things that we all are missing right now. I miss going out for coffee with my friend. I miss hugs. I’m holding out hope that at least part of the season for the outdoor Farmers Market can be saved.
This has definitely been a roller coaster ride of emotions for everyone. I think today is just one of those days where I’m feeling a little discouraged. I try to tell myself that I have a home, a full fridge and money in the bank. I will be ok. This too shall pass. Right now it just feels like it’s passing like a kidney stone.

Fandango’s Provocative Question #63

Fandango’s Provocative Question #63
When we finally get through this COVID-19 pandemic at some point in the future, do you think the world is going to change from what is was like before anyone ever heard of coronavirus? Or will things quickly return to “business as usual”?
I think this is a multi-faceted question. The world has already changed so I don’t believe it can go back to what it was like before. Last night I happened upon a segment on CBC where the host was talking to Bob Rae and someone else and Rae was talking about how much debt we will be in when this is over. Businesses won’t just be able to go back as if nothing happened. At the same time we need things to go back to business as usual soon so that everyone can make money. I think my shopping habits will change based on who decided that they were an essential service.
I think that is why we all say that we just wish life would go back to normal. We talk about our new normal. The funny thing is it’s a bit like grief in that respect because that is how it is often referred to. Like grief I think it will change who we are if we let it. I think for many people things will return to business as usual. It’s one of those things were you can tell who the helpers are. The people who only look out for number 1. That hasn’t changed. I was watching Entertainment Tonight Canada and Cheryl Hickey was interviewing Jess (something?) she was on a show on CBC. She was saying how she learned through this that it’s really about being present. How I wish the whole world would change to “get” that concept.
Yesterday I ended my post with things that I am grateful for. We have so many things in our lives that we take for granted. If you have a home, a family and food in the fridge don’t take that for granted.