All the emotions

FOWC with Fandango — Emotions – This, That, and The Other (

Last night I was watching This is us. I missed the first 5 minutes since I was watching a program On Demand I didn’t realize what time it was. While I saw that Uncle Nicky bought gifts for his great nephew and niece I didn’t know the significance of what he made. For context for anyone that hasn’t watched the show the story goes back and forth from the present to the past in scenes that are relevant to today. Jack (his brother) told his children that his brother died in Vietnam and Kevin goes there and finds out that it isn’t true. The story last night mainly revolved around how hard it was for Nicky to get on a plane to go and visit his namesake (Kevin named his son after him). I’m sure there is a story there.

When we were first introduced to Uncle Nicky all we saw was a very broken man. Now we see someone who finally has a family, a connection to the brother he idolized. At the same time I see someone who has a hard time accepting it because he’s been alone for so long. There is a scene where he phones Cassidy and wants to leave. I could understand that because there were times when I felt that after Janet died.

There was a moment when I thought what if he got to grow up being in his brother’s life? Our lives are based on the choices that we make. He can only start from the present and build on from there. He stand over their crib and tells them “you two are my moon”. You can tell he will pour all the love that he never got to give into those babies. It’s no wonder I cried throughout the entire show!


Last week I had one of those weeks where it seemed like everything that could go wrong did. I woke up Wednesday morning and put in a coffee pod to brew and it came out in a very slow trickle. While I could order a new one through Amazon it wouldn’t come until the following Monday and that is way too long to go without coffee. There were a couple other minor things so I was glad when the week was over. Sunday was my Mom’s birthday. Pre covid I would have gone to the grocery store on Saturday to buy a small cake and something special for dinner. Maybe even some flowers. While I had a lovely dinner ordered in I did feel sad that it is another year of limitations.

This morning I got a new grocery person who phoned while he was still at the store. He asked if there was anything else I needed and I said yes a new toaster. Yeah I’m not having good luck with small appliances. He comes into the apartment and says “Wow your kitchen is huge!”. Every new person says that because they can’t get over having an eat in kitchen in an apartment. When he put my toaster on the counter I told him about having to buy a new coffee maker and how my Mom always said “things happen in threes”. He had never heard that expression. Oh my goodness I know it sounds superstitious but it has happened A LOT in our family. I should add he got EVERYTHING on my list which hasn’t happened for weeks. Mid afternoon I got a phone call from my super as my mailbox was full. I was expecting a package but not for another week?? Since I already had my mask on when I came back to apartment I put my coat on, grabbed my purse and headed out to enjoy the warm spring weather. I got the last table at the coffee shop down the street. Usually I sit on my balcony but I wanted to sit and watch the people going by.

Today was one of those days full of helpers. The kind of day that just makes me happy.

One year

On Sunday I saw a question on Facebook that was asked during a sermon…”what would you have done differently if we had known the pandemic was going to strike”. It made me think about where we were a year ago. How people were hoarding toilet paper and disinfectant wipes. Thankfully I am always well stocked in toilet paper but I was down to about 5 rolls and there wasn’t any available. Oh yes and kernel popcorn. I prefer to pop my own as I can control the salt but grocery stores were out. Even now Amazon is selling the same size jar that you can buy at the store for around $5 for 3 times that. There was also a run on hair dye which is kind of weird because we weren’t going anywhere? Perhaps because they couldn’t go to a salon. It took me 5 months to go through a 5kg bag of flour (that was all the store had). Boy am I glad that all of that craziness has passed.

The week of March Break I was going to get together with a friend for our monthly coffee date. Since it was the day before my Mom’s birthday we were going to have chocolate cake and coffee. Unfortunately we ended up cancelling it and have seen each other once in person since then. We have been doing Facetime coffee dates but it’s definitely not the same.

I remember last year thinking I’m going to meal prep, journal more etc and it didn’t turn out that way. Early on meals were dependent on what the store had in stock. After a while I think we all got tired of cooking. While a business I support at the Farmers Market switched to delivery I wasn’t sure about delivering to apartments. After a few months I finally ordered online. They text before they come and it’s contactless delivery. That’s one thing I learned that living in an apartment is a little more limiting since many businesses won’t come in to the building. If you live in a house they leave it on your porch. Plus we can’t socially distance with friends outside in the backyard.

I did take advantage of the fact that I live a block away from a great coffee shop (pictured). This became my go-to summer drink which is dragonfruit. I even switched it up and got sparkling and this is frozen. They have a small patio area so I will be able to meet up with friends this summer. I have started participating in weekly zoom trivia nights put on by a business I have been supporting. Last week’s theme was on Seinfeld and the questions were so obscure that I ended up in the bottom. It’s a lot of fun.

I don’t know when things will return to “normal” but I’m looking forward to that first hug!!

Light at the end of the tunnel

RDP Friday – Tunnel (

When I logged in this morning I realized that it has been almost a month since I have posted anything. I know that it’s most likely because I didn’t have anything to say. I was watching a video by the Holderness Family on Wednesday where they were talking about the one year wall and I thought yep that’s what it feels like. I’m like many others that sit here and think things are ok, I’m better off than most but it feels like after my Mom died…waiting for things to get better. Knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel but not really knowing how far off it is.

Last night I was watching New Amsterdam. I was going to watch it Wednesday night but couldn’t find it On Demand. At the end of the episode Helen and Max are standing outside (in their spot) and she says “at first I was afraid of the virus, now I’m afraid of normal”. Tears were silently falling after she said that because I don’t think I realized it until she said it. The other day I went to check for mail and my super told me I’m not as friendly lately and I thought yes a mask is a barrier. I’m a hugger and I haven’t been able to hug someone in over a year. My friend gave me a hug in July but we were both wearing masks and it was awkward as heck.

Right now we are in the orange zone which means I can sit inside a coffee shop or restaurant. This morning I got a much needed haircut (it’s been almost 4 months). It’s amazing how such a simple thing as getting a haircut can be such a big deal now.

The other day I found out that my Aunt is getting her vaccine next week. Her granddaughter is a nursing student and is also getting one soon. It’s comforting knowing people who are going to get a shot soon. It’s gives me hope. The process is slow and I know that my time will come.