Honouring my twin

I have been thinking about this a lot since it will be 20 years since she passed September 14. For the 10th anniversary I held a celebration of life at a local inn. It was a lovely way to share memories with friends. That doesn’t seem right at this time. 3 of my friends have recently dealt with the passing of a parent and I know from experience the first year you live in a fog. It’s raw. I am so thankful that I can talk openly to my friend about grief. Losing a parent is not the same but the changes are. The things that we keep. The reminders. I remember when Janet died people would comment what a good friend she was. There have been times when I think Janet was more forgiving than I am. It’s different growing up with unconditional love and not having that when she was gone.

Yesterday, I purchased 2 bracelets that I’m going to stack with the initial J because it’s always been J and J. Last night I joined an Instagram live with a clothing sale by a plus size thrift store I follow. During the sale they also had rings that they were selling. I’m not sure where they were from but they were very unique. Her son was modeling some and they had one that was in the shape of a rose…which is my middle name. I sat there thinking ok Janet thank you for sending me a gift. My parents didn’t know they were having twins so they already had a girl name picked out. I’m not sure who came up with Grace (which is Janet’s middle name) although it comes from both sides since my Father’s mother was Grace and my Mom’s middle name is Grace. My Dad suggested Alice as a middle name but my Mom didn’t like that it spelled something with initials so she suggested Rose.

I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and I haven’t worn a ring since I was young and my grandmother gave us each one for our birthday. I’m hoping to go out for lunch on the 14th with a friend. Try out a new cafe that was formerly a tea room. I look forward to wearing these items in honour of Janet.

BIRTHDAY

I’ve started this post a couple of times. My mind is a bit of a jumble as the day comes with many emotions. 32 years of birthdays spent with my twin. When Janet was 6 she had her tonsils taken out and she was still feeling a little rough so the picture is of a girl that is sad. We were standing at the table in matching green outfits (and I don’t even look good in green!) that grandma made and a cake with candles on it. We could not have parties outside because we had a cotton wood tree that produces fluff which starts around the time of our birthday. It looks like snow on the ground and it gets everywhere! I remember going to see Man on Fire for our birthday. Kind of an odd movie to pick!

I don’t have anything planned for the day. I usually go to Idlewyld Inn for lunch as my treat but it’s almost 50 for an entrée and dessert. Everything is so expensive! I am looking forward to going out for coffee/lunch with a friend who I haven’t seen since January. Giving her a big hug.

A friend from public school wrote on my Facebook page Happy Birthday to you both. I thanked him for remembering Janet too. He then wrote underneath It would be impossible for him not to as it’s always been Janet and Jennifer. Oh that made me cry because for me it always will be as she lives on in me and the people that love her. My friend’s husband always remembers Janet too. They have been married for 31 years and I truly consider him family. I was looking at my Facebook memories today and there were pictures with people that are no longer in my life. It doesn’t make me sad. They were there in a time in my life when I needed them but sometimes our circle changes.

This is our first birthday. I won’t tell you which one is me but I think you can probably guess!

A good week

Very rarely do I have a week where everything goes as planned but this has been one of those weeks. My grocery service is amazing and the shopper really goes above and beyond. I’m also spending about $50 less than I was with the previous company.

I love watching shows on HGTV and found a show where the host lives in Prince Edward County. I’ve never been there as I don’t drive but it’s a really pretty place and I have friends that vacation there in the summer. During the segment one of the women who works for the person renovating their house went to a pottery studio and their items were so colourful. A few days ago she posted a photo of a group of mugs and one was almost the same colour as a mug that I broke. I wasn’t sure if they shipped or even how much it would be but I commented underneath the post asking if they would be available online. The owner messaged me on Instagram and offered to put one aside. While I have many mugs in my cupboard it was the one I reached to. There have been many reminders of my family this week and I truly believe this was a gift from Janet as our birthday is a little over a week away.

Yesterday I finally got bloodwork done for an upcoming Dr appointment. I checked online and there was a 5 minute wait time. I didn’t bother to do check in since it was short. When I got to the lab there was no one in the waiting room. The last time I went it was full with people standing in the hall. I was called right away and the tech got the needle in with one poke. This is a big deal since I’ve had many instances where I have 2 pokes from multiple people to try to get it. I’ve also had them put a heating pack on my hand. I also got a chatty cab driver on the way home.

I was watching Live with Kelly and Mark this morning and he brought up how June has flown by and she said yeah time needs to slow down. I felt that since I was feeling a little sad about the fact that six months have passed. I’m glad that I’m going to be going out with my friend for a belated birthday lunch. We rarely get a picture together but I think we both realize that time together is precious.

Share your world May 11/2026

How would you describe your sense of humour Weird, sometimes a little dark and definitely childish. My Mom would often say something that was sarcastic and I would tell her “now, now don’t be catty” and then we would laugh together.

What was the most recent thing that made you laugh out loud. A post on Instagram.

Have you ever laughed until you cried. Many, many times. My Dad’s sister in-law made fun of us because she had never seen anyone laugh until they cried or she didn’t think it was that funny? Janet had a boisterous laugh and she and I would laugh at things that only we found funny. It’s the thing I miss the most. Laughter is meant to be shared.

Have you ever laughed at an inopportune moment. Obviously…I said I was childish. Mom would separate us in church when we were maybe 9 years old because we would be giggling. We went to a study group at church and we started with chanting. Janet could barely hold in her laughter.

Grocery shopping

RDP Saturday! Planning!

How appropriate that this is the word for today. Long time followers will know that I use a grocery delivery service. When I was caregiving I wasn’t able to get groceries easily by myself as I don’t drive so one night I did a google search and found this company. Unfortunately, my shopper is going to be moving out of the city and has been going back and forth regularly. Tuesday is my regular delivery day and I was informed when I sent my list by email that she was taking the day off and it would be Wednesday. I should add that they don’t work Mondays so she is taking a 3 day weekend. There has been no communication regarding her move. I’ve wondered for a while if he only had one shopper and it was more or less confirmed when I asked what happens when she moves as the owner would take over. For the past 2 years there have been many instances of miscommunication. One time I just got back from an appointment as she was pulling in (despite the fact I told him I wouldn’t be home).

I’ve decided to look for another company and will be using them on Monday. I asked a friend of mine do I tell the company I am currently using that I’m leaving and she said no but they might call. I remember when I had my first order after Mom died and the woman was so kind. I remember when one of the shoppers drove me to the bank because she was late dropping off my order. She told me “that’s what friends do”. I don’t know what changed in the last 2-3 years but it’s not the same. I support local all the time but in the long run it’s always about customer service. I am paying you for a service.

Being an adult means sometimes things don’t go as we planned and we have to pivot. That’s ok.

10 YEARS

Today is the 10 year anniversary of moving into my apartment. I was planning on having friends over for cake and coffee but circumstances prevented that from happening. I thought of buying flowers but they are so expensive so I think I’ll just order a nice meal for dinner.

I remember writing when I found this place that Mom must have guided me to it. I was lucky to have superintendents who looked out for every person in the building. My super put the bookcase together for me. It wasn’t easy and he had to do it when he had the time but being a single woman who is not that handy it was nice that he did that for me. I was telling my former neighbour that it’s different having a super that I never run into. Whenever I left the building he would always ask where I was going. There were times when it seemed intrusive and yet now I miss it.

I look back at that time and think of everything that I did on my own. My neighbour took me to a furniture store. I purchased the couch from Home Outfitters which is no longer in business. My friend didn’t like it because she didn’t think it was comfy enough. Most items I had an idea in my head and everything I purchased ended up being completely different. I thought I was going to get a clear bookcase. Originally I went in thinking I was going to get a white table which ended up being too big so it’s a round black table with black leather chairs. My style evolved as I went along and it ended up being very modern.

Growing up I share a bathroom with 4 other people. I now have 2 bathrooms! I love my ensuite because it has a walk in shower.

I love sitting outside in the summer with a morning coffee or my evening meal. I take photos of sunsets quite often. It’s really the simple things that I enjoy about where I live.

Clothing

A couple of days ago a woman I follow on Instagram posted a video in her stories where her husband is standing in the closet holding on to a dress for her her to keep or sell for an upcoming thrift store sale. He thought her expressions were funny so he started video taping her. He held up a black sparkly dress that she bought for New Years despite the fact the don’t go anywhere. I remember reading an article in the Oprah magazine many years ago where she was de-cluttering her closet and she said she had clothes for the lifestyle she imagined. The dress you are going to wear to a tea party as an example. I bought a sparkly purple dress that I was going to wear for Christmas dinner if I went out with a friend but it didn’t happen.

I was talking to my former neighbour yesterday and I mentioned that I have been buying t-shirt dresses because it’s so much easier to throw on than matching your pants to your top. It’s just one and done. I wore a dress for a Dr appointment last fall because it was in September and it’s a time of year that I struggle. It was something I could do to brighten my day.

This morning a store I follow posted this dress. It’s so cute but I’m sitting here thinking where would I wear this? This year I’ve been more cognizant of money spent on clothes and am thrifting or buying things on sale. I bought 2 t shirts and a long sleeved tee for 25. When I opened the bag there was a skirt in it. I know I didn’t order a skirt. I found a card and in it she wrote that she included her favourite skirt because it took her longer to get my order ready. It’s not something I would normally wear colour wise but I’m going to find a way. Thrifting has also made me buy items that I wouldn’t normally wear. Janet was always more adventurous clothes wise. Maybe it’s true about turning 50 where you no longer care what other people think.

I’M THANKFUL FOR

With everything going on in the world I thought I would do a list of things that I am thankful for. Things are heavy right now!

HEAT! It’s currently -12 (yesterday was colder) with wind chill of -25. I try not to take it for granted

WARM CLOTHES

FRIENDS I am so thankful that I was finally able to get together with them. I’m thankful for cellphones that allow for me to take lots of pictures.

REMINDERS OF MY LOVED ONES On Friday I had my grocery lady buy this. It’s displayed as 3 necklaces but I bought the oval one. Rose is my middle name and lily of the valley is Janet’s favourite scent.

HUGS I get a hug from my grocery lady every week.

People speaking out. 10 years ago we weren’t allowed to have an opinion on the election because we are Canadians. My friend does not feel safe travelling to the US right now because her husband is brown. Yesterday a twin friend wrote if you agree with what is happening right now in Minnesota you can see yourself out. I have a cousin by marriage who is a TRUMP supporter. For a long time I kept my mouth shut to maintain the relationship but eventually I couldn’t accept someone who is Christian whose morals no longer aligned with mine.

COMFORT SHOWS HGTV and Hallmark movies

Friendship

Last night I went out for coffee with 2 girlfriends. The woman picking us up asked if we wanted to do coffee or dinner. Being diabetic it’s hard eating out so I find coffee easier. Truthfully, I almost didn’t go because it’s dark and it was supposed to snow a lot.

Starbucks is the only place that is still open after 6. It’s quiet because there weren’t a lot of people there. After we ordered I put the gift bags on the table for my friends. Although we didn’t actually plan it we all bought gifts for each other. I absolutely love that we were so in sync with what to get. My friend loves Jack and Sally from The Nightmare before Christmas so she got a Sally Funko Pop. I bought my friend a mouse in a cloche sitting in a chair knitting. She crochets but it reminded me of her.

Of course I got mice ornaments. There is something so special about friends that truly know me.

When we get together I always take pictures. I had to take a picture of my friend with their gift and then we got a picture with the three of us. I need a haircut but it’s ok. It’s capturing a moment. There are days when I’m feeling sad and I will go back and look at those photos and I’m reminded of the people that are there for me.

Share your world New Years

Do you stay up to toast in the New Year No. I did it once when the year was turning from 1999 to 2000 but I didn’t really get what the big deal was. We watched the countdown on tv and I thought I could do that at home. I do watch Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen on CNN because I love Anderson’s giggle. I also live close to a park that lets off fire works so I can hear them if I’m awake.

Have you ever kept any New Year Resolutions made in the past? Yes. In 2015 I made a resolution that I was going to write a blog post every day and I did. It was a big accomplishment considering I was taking care of my Mom at the time. Last year I started the year planning to watch my spending but it was such a horrible year that I did a lot of retail therapy.

Do you have any plans for 2026? It’s interesting that this is the question for today. Last night I was thinking about the fact that this year it will be 20 years since Janet died. I emailed my friend and said I don’t know how I feel about heading into this year.

What was the highlight of 2025 I’m just glad it’s over! Too much sadness.