Light at the end of the tunnel

RDP Friday – Tunnel (

When I logged in this morning I realized that it has been almost a month since I have posted anything. I know that it’s most likely because I didn’t have anything to say. I was watching a video by the Holderness Family on Wednesday where they were talking about the one year wall and I thought yep that’s what it feels like. I’m like many others that sit here and think things are ok, I’m better off than most but it feels like after my Mom died…waiting for things to get better. Knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel but not really knowing how far off it is.

Last night I was watching New Amsterdam. I was going to watch it Wednesday night but couldn’t find it On Demand. At the end of the episode Helen and Max are standing outside (in their spot) and she says “at first I was afraid of the virus, now I’m afraid of normal”. Tears were silently falling after she said that because I don’t think I realized it until she said it. The other day I went to check for mail and my super told me I’m not as friendly lately and I thought yes a mask is a barrier. I’m a hugger and I haven’t been able to hug someone in over a year. My friend gave me a hug in July but we were both wearing masks and it was awkward as heck.

Right now we are in the orange zone which means I can sit inside a coffee shop or restaurant. This morning I got a much needed haircut (it’s been almost 4 months). It’s amazing how such a simple thing as getting a haircut can be such a big deal now.

The other day I found out that my Aunt is getting her vaccine next week. Her granddaughter is a nursing student and is also getting one soon. It’s comforting knowing people who are going to get a shot soon. It’s gives me hope. The process is slow and I know that my time will come.

Show love everyday

Fandango’s Provocative Question #108 – This, That, and The Other (

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Do you consider it to be a special day, one where you express your deep love and appreciation for your significant other? Or is it just a commercialized “Hallmark Holiday” where you feel pressured to spend money on cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and/or expensive dinners in order to stay on the good side of the one you love? Either way, what, if anything, are your plans for Valentine’s Day this year?

I agree with the people that say that it’s commercialized. How many of us have been in the grocery store on Valentines Day behind a guy that is buying flowers because he forgot.

This year will be a double whammy since it’s the day before Family Day which is a holiday in Ontario. As a single person it’s not easy having holidays that are specifically geared to having special people in your life. I recently wrote that this year I have decided to treat myself so I bought a “love yourself” box from a local business. It has a candle, perfume, face lotion, a bath bomb and bath salts. I don’t know when I will have an opportunity to get dressed up and wear perfume but maybe I’ll just wear it for myself.

We show love in many different ways. Taking care of someone when they are sick. Making your loved ones favourite meal. My friend standing at the graveside crying with me. We should be telling people we love them EVERYDAY.

The 80s

Last night I joined a trivia night hosted by a local business. Although we are currently in lockdown you can still do curbside pickup at the store. The unfortunate thing is that it’s the type of store that people like to go in and browse.

As my title suggests last night theme was the 80s. Since it started at 8:30 I used a few minutes (after I got my tea and snack) to look up movies and songs that were in the 80s. To be fair I graduated public school in 1988 so I’m not familiar with early 80s. One of the questions was what video game was Super Mario introduced in and I don’t know why but I knew it was Donkey Kong. One of the answers was Duck Hunt. Remember that game where you shoot at the screen? And tetris. I was awful at it.

It’s funny how I haven’t watched any of the movies that were big in the 80s. The Breakfast Club, The Goonies, Stand by Me. I think I watched Pretty in Pink but I don’t remember it. I guessed at the answer to her workplace which was a record store because it seemed like the logical answer.

There were questions to do with all the things that were popular in the 80s. Cabbage patch dolls. We never had one because it you were to buy 2 it’s pretty expensive. Plus they were pretty hard to find at the time. We had Jem dolls. Pretty sure they were purchased for our birthday. Who remembers wrinkles? They were dogs that had a hole in the face so you could make him talk. I think I had a knock off brand. We weren’t the kids that had all the “IT” toys or clothing at the time. Our grandmother made our grade 8 graduation dresses. Mine was slightly puffed sleeved and of course it was yellow. It’s still hanging in my closet. I have the grad picture posted on Facebook and it brings back a lot of good memories. Friendships that have lasted over 30 years.

Just for fun questions

Fancy A Weekend Quickie?!! – A Guy Called Bloke

When was the last time you wore a woolly hat and is it colored, patterned or plain?

Or a toque as we call them in Canada. It rarely gets cold enough to need to wear one but I think it was the last time I went to Victoria Park with a friend so 2 years ago. It’s patterned with a pom pom. I bought it at the Farmers Market because I lost my other one.

When was the last time you experienced a wardrobe malfunction – what was it and where were you?

When I went to the funeral home to organize Mom’s memorial service when I went to the bathroom I realized I had my shirt on inside out. I had the same thing happen at the grocery store. Luckily it was striped so no one noticed.

Why do things become popular with people?

Hmm I think it’s keeping up with the Jones. I bought an Ipad for convenience. I bought a Keurig because it’s easier to make coffee for one person that way. Instant pots and Air fryers are all the rage but I don’t see the big deal.

On a scale of 01 – 10 how angry are you right now for no other reason apart from you just are?

4 I try to limit the amount of news I watch for this reason

Please list three really funny films that have made you laugh out loud over the years?

Bruce Almighty

You’ve Got Mail “she’s a pill” (more cute than funny)

What are five of the biggest mistakes that people make with their lives in your opinion?

Living beyond your means

Holding on to friendships out of a sense of loyalty

saying yes to something you don’t want to do

Not listening to your gut

Not telling someone you love them everyday because you never know when it will be your last chance

Share your world 1-25-2021

SHARE YOUR WORLD 1-25-2021 | sparksfromacombustiblemind


Is it necessary to trust someone you like?  (friends, acquaintances or co-workers with whom you have no familial ties)

100%. After my twin died I had to learn how to trust people. I grew up with someone that loved me unconditionally and always had my back. I learned that I had to lower my expectations with friends. At the same time once trust was broken that was it. Life is too short to put up with toxic behaviour.

Do you hold grudges?   What do you do when someone really irritates you?

Yeah I do. It’s not something I’m proud of but there is always a reason.

What’s the most sensible thing you’ve heard someone say?

My Mom always told me that if I was worried about something “it won’t be as bad as you think it will be” 90% of the time she was right. “This too shall pass.” A woman from the church I grew up in (who was old enough to be my grandma) told me this almost every time I spoke to her after Mom died. When I went to a grief support group one of the leaders used to say that there are days when it isn’t even one day at a time it’s one hour.

Is crying a sign of weakness or strength in adults? 

It depends. If you are in a situation where it’s not appropriate to cry then it will be seen as a sign of weakness. I grew up in a family where my Dad’s siblings didn’t cry because they learned from their mother that it was a sign of weakness. It’s not. Crying is a release.

GRATITUDE SECTION  (Always Optional)

What small things were you grateful for this week?

Shared laughter



This year I decided that I would treat myself. Last year our stay at home order started around the time that I was going to have a friend over to honour my Mom’s birthday. It was discouraging because nothing felt the same.

I recently purchased a webcam which in some respects is more of an investment because I’m probably going to be using it a lot. Tonight there is a Back to the Future trivia night on Zoom. It’s a way to connect to people but it’s also really fun…even if I probably won’t get all the answers right. On Friday I got a delivery from a local bakery. Since they are doing deliveries they are including lunch items on their menu so I got pulled pork. A couple of weeks ago I had minestrone soup. The great thing is these aren’t items that I would make for myself. This morning I had a slice of cinnamon raison bread with my coffee for breakfast. It costs more than a loaf from the store but it’s much healthier. Every time I order from them I feel good because I’m supporting a local business. There is a connection since they appreciate comments on social media.

Today I got a delivery from a business that delivers to my city (it’s about half an hour away). I ordered a “love yourself” box last night because I saw on Instagram that they only had a few left. They buzzed at 2pm…how is that for service. I have titled this post flame because I ordered the box with a candle in it because the one I have been using is almost finished. Before I moved to my apartment I never used candles. It just wasn’t something that we had in the house. The one I have is called linen and it gives off a nice light scent.

For me it’s finding things that spark joy. Eating good food, the calming effect of lighting a candle, sharing in laughter. As the song says “it only takes a spark to get a fire going”

A good day

Like many other people I was watching the inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris this morning. I could feel the pride that many women felt when Kamala Harris was introduced as the first female Vice President. Biden talked a lot about unity in his speech and it gave me hope…not just for the US but for the other leaders that will be working with him. There are FINALLY people in the White House who believe in what that place stands for. That they are working for the people…the people that voted them in.

I actually teared up a little listening to Jennifer Lopez sing. I don’t know why because I’m not American but I think I felt that joy that everyone feels today.

Amanda Gorman “Somehow we’ve weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished.” My cousin took a screenshot of this young woman delivering her poem. I went back to search for the video and all I can say is WOW. 2 weeks ago I felt like democracy was broken but today I felt hope again.

Share your world 1-11-2021

SHARE YOUR WORLD 1-11-2021 | sparksfromacombustiblemind

What should you get rid off, that would make your new year better, and why?

Anger or resentment. With what is going on in the world this is a tough one right now. I know it doesn’t feel good.

 What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?

If you asked the political candidate Janet and I volunteered for in 2006 it would be being interviewed on our local news. Nobody else wanted to do it. When Janet died it would be fighting for her.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

I don’t think we had mottos but my Dad had an unspoken rule that you didn’t do work on Sunday.

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?  (this does not mean ‘smell’ or looks; because this is a judgment free blog!) 

I definitely think I’m a 10 but then our entire family (except my Mom) thought they were funny.


Tell everyone something that you found personally lifted your spirits!  

Watching Home Town last night made me cry in a good way when I watch people doing good in their community. Plus the colours she picked were colours we had in our house. Janet’s room was peach and the master bedroom was coral (close). The living room was yellow which was close to the colour we had in our kitchen.

My heart hurts

RDP Friday – Mob (

Wednesday afternoon a Canadian friend posted a link to what was happening in Washington and then a little while later another person posted and then another. I turned the news on around 5pm and it was shocking to see what was happening. I had heard that Trump instigated it but didn’t know how so I searched online to find the rally. Where I live we are currently in lockdown for a month and very few of these people had masks on (although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised). I read the posts by my American friends and the subsequent comments underneath and my heart breaks for them. The people that I met at the Twinless Twins conference or through the Facebook page are compassionate people. They are good people. They don’t represent what happened on Wednesday. How does the US rebuild from where they are now? As a Canadian I can’t answer that but it’s going to take time.

So many people went into this year with optimism. Like jumping into the deep end of the pool while I was over in the shallow end dipping my toe in. Things didn’t magically get better just because we are in a new year. I was watching a video by The Holderness Family this morning where she made a tongue in cheek video about what her word for the year will be. I bought a new journal for this purpose. My word would be gratitude. There are days when watching the news it’s a struggle to find it. We will get through this together!

Share your world 12-28-2020

SHARE YOUR WORLD 12-28-2020 | sparksfromacombustiblemind


Pick three words to describe this past year.   (please keep them PG. Thanks).

Sad, isolating, connected

What were the best books you read this year?   Or the best movie you saw?  

I just finished Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown for an online book club.

Because there was lots of time for looking inward, what is one big personal lesson you learned this past year?

There are multiple ways to stay connected. But at the same time just because we have them doesn’t mean we are.

Do you think Covid has strengthened or weakened societal bonds?

This is tough one because for me it’s both. My friend and I go out for coffee once a month so we found a way to do it online by using FaceTime. My grocery delivery people have been a godsend. Relationships take work and talking online doesn’t convey emotion the way meeting in person would.

GRATITUDE SECTION (Optional of course):

What is a New Year’s Wish You’d Like To Share With the World?

I just wish people would treat each other the way they would expect to be treated.